Saturday, 31 October 2009

I Hate... Halloween / Happy Halloween

I'm so not into Halloween. I was never allowed to go Trick or Treating, but it's not like I ever wanted to as a child; why would anyone want to go door to door essentially begging for food? There's something so terribly uncouth about it all. Anyway, have fun in your highly imaginative costume (I'm sure no one else at whatever 'spooky' themed event you're attending will be dressed like a vampire...)

Thursday, 29 October 2009

I Like... Being Mesmerized / "It's all for love. L-O-V-E"


I saw This Is It last night.

Complete dazzlement.
I'll be seeing it again on Saturday as my tiny brain can't process such grandeur in such a sudden burst.

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

I Like... It When A Plan Comes Together / Return of the Moz

Morrissey Season - Part II

Here I am, a-hoping and a-wishing (yes, still in the same tshirt)

All systems GO with Morrissey last night.

He was fantastical. More than worth waiting for.

Full review to follow in due course.

Sunday, 25 October 2009

I Hate... Seeing all my idols fall ill / "There is no such thing in life as normal"

Morrissey Season - Part I
Well last night saw the beginning of Morrissey Season for me. Unfortunately for Moz he was playing at the Swindon Oasis Leisure Centre; a dire, dire vicinity not worthy of such a man. However, he sheepishly walked onstage, muttered "Good evening... Probably" and broke into This Charming Man.

The last note was played and Morrissey collapsed. That was it. Gig over. I won't post a picture of Morrissey during his fall as that's just in bad taste.

His condition is said to be "stable" but that puts the rest of his Swords Tour in much jeopardy (bearing in mind these dates were originally part if his Years of Refusal jaunt but were rescheduled due to unspecified illness.)

I took my little sister to worship at the altar of Morrissey but she wasn't too upset as she enjoyed the wide variety of vending machines on offer. FYI her favourite was the milk chocolate Crunch Bar.

I wore this t-shirt like a massive loser.

Get well soon Morrissey. No pressure, just you're my final hero after Michael Jackson died a week before my dream was due to come true by seeing him live...

Monday, 5 October 2009

I Hate... Being A Girl / Winter Wardrobe

Don't you hate every magazine giving you their definitive guide to coats at the moment?
"Make like Joseph and wear a Technicolor dream coat."
"Channel the golden days of the Gestapo with a military number."
"Go for a bold print that means you'll have to wear one bland colour underneath for the next five months." Etc etc


Forget it. One word: androgyny. Here are the looks I'll be going for as we make the autumnal transition this month.

Friday, 2 October 2009

I Hate... Overly Zealous Administration / “Great endowments often announce themselves in youth in the form of singularity and awkwardness.”

So this week saw me being inducted to the institution of Reading University.

Allow me to guide you through ‘Fresher’s Week’.

MONDAY: I turn up to my 'Academic Welcome'. Lovely, nice to be welcomed, but people quickly shift away from me when I tell them I don't reside in student halls and I don't seem all too interested in hearing about the super-fun party they had in their kitchen last night. We are then made to make idle conversation with the unknown beings around us. Cue people being intrigued and astonished when they find out I commute all the way from the far away and mystical land of Wiltshire.

TUESDAY: Time to register for my subject. By all means everyone seems affable, but again shock pervades them when they realise I have to get a bus and a train to study. Students are doing/playing (I do not know the correct verb when it comes to poi) poi. I went to ask for a campus tour from an older student. He kindly lifted his flabbergasted body from the 'help desk', heavily sighed and muttered, "Umm, alright then. If I have to." I tell him the exact buildings I need to find for my lectures but he insists on showing me Robotics and IT instead.

WEDNESDAY: I attend the scheduled briefings for my chosen subjects only to be turfed out and told I don't need to be there. I try to sort out my student card but my online enrolment hasn’t been processed. At this point it is made clear to me that my appointed student number is now superior to both my first and last name when identifying myself to others. I also get chatting to a girl, who at first I seem to have much in common with; both studying English, both had a 'gap year' (I hate that term. It immediately makes people think I've gone on some egotistical trip to the Balearic Islands to 'find myself' and get in touch with the something bigger than our transient existence here on earth) and also tried university last year. But it turns out she's a casual racist, so I nipped that friendship in the bud.

THURSDAY: Fun and games at the English Welcome 'Parties'. Everyone is made to where stickers with their names on, thus reducing us all to looking at one another's breast bones to find out each other’s names. We're also made to play 'ice breaker' games; needless to say, the outcome was highly uncomfortable and could have been an outtake from The Office (the UK version, definitely not the US).

FRIDAY: Day off. Stayed home and watched 'Will & Grace'. God, I wish I was Karen Walker. She's so fucking sassy.

Thursday, 1 October 2009

I Like... Printing / "Just because you read it in a magazine, Or see it on the TV screen, Don't make it factual, actual, They say he's homosexual"


Pick up this week's NME for a frighfully well written review of Vitalic's new album.
Who's it by? Oh yeah, little ol' me.

I am aware that this poor quality photo does not allow you to read it but it also does not do justice to my craft. (This is pure bravado - I hope you are aware.)

Read it here