Wednesday, 26 May 2010

I Hate... Butchered Words / Crimes Against English

If Lily Allen writes a song and nobody hears it, is it still shit?

I get it, I get it; her cutesy baby voice (i.e. weak) is a total juxtaposition against the ‘sassy’ and ‘in your face’ subjects of her songs. I get it, but it’s boring and thin.

None of her lyrics carry any kind of word play and no singular words cause any kind of interest or tingle in brain – kind of like a loudmouth version of Dido. E.g. ‘My tea’s gone cold / I’m wondering why I got out of bed at all’. Each lexical constituent is boring enough on its own, but then put them together and you’ve got yourself the world’s dullest and most uninspiring lyrics EVER.

So, on the back of Lily Allen winning ‘Songwriter of the Year’ and ‘Best Song Musically and Lyrically’ for The Fear, here’s some of my least favourite lyrics of all time which frankly offend the English Language and all its speakers:

It's five o'clock in the morning / Conversation got boring

There were people from the city having lunch in the park / I believe that is called al fresco

It’s not fair and I think you’re really mean

Now I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner / Now everything is cool as long as I’m getting thinner

(That last one particularly gets at me as this rhyming couplet is supposed to be the big wham-bam climactic finish. It fails to blow me away)

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