Friday, 7 March 2014

I Hate... The Metro's two-star review of 'G I R L' / "Come get it bae"

I don't usually get riled up enough by inept music reviews to write about it (a disappointed huff is normally sufficient) but I cannot and will not let today's Metro (March 7) get away with their judgement of Pharrell Williams' G I R L.

Alex Macpherson awarded this gorgeous triumph of an album two measly stars.

It's a five-star affair, all the way.

He calls it "nostalgia-pandering retro". 

I highly doubt that Pharrell's target market and biggest fans are old enough to have been around for disco and Prince's heyday - the influences that dominate G I R L - the first time round.

He labels Pharrell "an artist content to make conservatively tasteful decisions".

He is an artist that has made his name by being a leader and a trendsetter with a tireless work ethic. "Content" is the last word that should ever be ascribed to Mr. Williams.

'Happy' is maligned as being "cruise ship cheesiness".

Lighten up. Stop trying to make people feel guilty about enjoying life, even if it is just for the few minutes they listen to 'Happy'. 

'Gust Of Wind' (featuring Daft Punk) and 'Brand New' (featuring Justin Timberlake) are described as "forgettable radio fodder".

In what twisted universe are these beautiful, uplifting and perfectly executed songs "forgettable radio fodder"? This really pushed me over the edge. Macpherson is now picking on the album's best songs. My mouth fell open at this judgement. And what radio station is he listening to anyway? It must be hella good...

'Hunter' is dismissed for sounding like a "demo".

It's actually rather stylishly minimal but with an insistent dose of funk. Just because it doesn't have the luxurious flushes of, say, 'Marilyn Monroe', does not make it any less worthy.

Pharrell's voice is branded as a "lightweight falsetto" and his lyrics an "embarrassment".

Actually, the number of guests that pop up on G I R L frustrates me a little as I want to hear Pharrell's delicate vocals through and through his songs. As for his lyrics, he portrays himself as smooth and playful and clearly pays no mind to conforming to the macho ideals for R&B male protagonists.

Who knew a reviewer could get so many things so wrong in less than 150 words. 

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